This morning I didn’t wake up starving for sustenance. I woke up starving, for something of substance. My eating as disordered as the world today, the emptiness of what has happened and what is to come.

I ate a bigger breakfast than I had in months. Because I need strength to go on. I plunged into a Google vortex of “trump protest”.

In Oakland they shut down a highway. In New York the protests starts at 5:30pm as not to interrupt the unending New York capitalist grind.

I cried into my avocado toast. My immigrant status as insecure as my sanity. My skin might help me, my visa will not and my gender most certainly won’t. My roommates weren’t awake for me to cry in their equally immigrant arms.

There were tears and bleary faces on the subway. Defeat on the 6 train. He didn’t win by a small margin. He won by a landslide. The CNN reporters desperately trying to map a potential path to victory at 11pm is burnt into my mind. I didn’t sleep last night, I take advil with breakfast. With lunch. And with dinner.

So who voted for this monster. Who voted for the next Hitler. It is people you and I know. It’s not just the backwater of the middle America swamp of ignorance, it’s the people sitting next to you.

Referencing the epic article, it suggests, it is the people who :

1. are only looking at the present, not the past or future
2. are only looking immediately around them, not at how events connect globally
3. don’t read, think, challenge, or hear opposing views

I’d like to propose a fourth category : The people who believe resources are limited. The people who see immigrants as potentially stealing away their chance at the American Dream. You can look at life as an abundant never ending source. Or you can see resources as limited, to be fought for. That if more people are included, the less you are left with. Love is not used up, Love multiplies. And when there is love there is an equal division of resources, a caring for people and for our environment. Wealth does not gather and stagnate in the 1% of the 1%. There is enough for everybody if it is not hoarded in the multi million mansions of the elite.

There is a greater picture here. As the article from suggests. Zooming out we see humans have a trend of phases of self imposed mass destruction. “Wars are actually the norm for humans, but every now and then something big comes along.”

More literally it proposes

“A divided Europe, with the leaders of France, Hungary, Poland, Slovakia, and others now pro-Russia, anti-EU, and funded by Putin, overrule calls for sanctions or a military response. NATO is slow to respond: Trump does not want America to be involved, and a large part of Europe is indifferent or blocking any action.”Another narcissistic, charismatic leader fanning flames of hatred until things spiral out of control.

No-one expected 17 million people to die when Frances Ferdinand was assassinated. Have we found our spray tanned 2016 Ferdinand?

But a defining feature of humans is their bacteria like resilience. “We need to find a way to bridge from our closed groups to other closed groups, try to cross the ever widening social divides”

Hopefully it’s a turning point. Not a spark to cause a flame but A bonfire to cause a nuclear explosion of the shit show of hatred and racism in America.

I am going to start eating again, because I am starved for hope. And we are all going to need our strength to fight.