THE IMPORTANCE OF BLADDER CONTROL

So Alexa Chung, whose career peaked when someone handed her a glass of ‘fizz’ in the back of a limousine, has revealed in W Magazine that she can hold on to her pee longer than other passengers during flights she takes – the things you learn every day huh? In the interview she admitted she chooses window seats on flights because, ‘I’m better at holding pee in than other passengers so I don’t want to be the one who has to be constantly letting people out.’

I choose window seats deliberately so I can control the window blind and prevent other passengers blowing their rancid warm chicken and pesto panini breath at me, while they stretch across seats to see the view as we land. Aww I’m sorry, have you not seen clouds and sea / land before? *slams down blind*

But enough of my polite flight etiquette, that slow news day item about Alexa got me thinking about the importance of bladder control, hence the title of this here piece.
On an average day, I can probably go for hours without visiting the toilet, because a) there’s better things to do like watch an entire series back to back of Vanderpump Rules. And b) and c).

So I’m proud to have a bladder of steel, because let’s face it, there comes a time (to all of us), when holding in pee is basically not a choice anymore. When you reach a certain age and your hooha develops a mind of its own, usually when you laugh, cough or sneeze, and guaranteed it will happen when you’re in public and you realise that ‘discreet’ thong-sized panty pad you bought should’ve had considerably larger wings, preferably to fly you the hell out of wherever you’ve just pissed yourself.

So yes, Alexa wins the ‘holding in pee’ award, and I come a close second, but to be honest, I would be more interested in who gets the holding in a fart award, because holding in pee is seriously less painful than holding in a fart right? Especially while you’re trying to pee in a crowded public bathroom – which should actually be a challenge on one of those TV survival shows.