On a serious comedown, whilst I was sitting contemplating and assessing where my own life is going, something struck me.
I just bought an audio book called “The Life-Changing magic of not giving a fuck” by Sarah Knight, by doing so, I clearly do give a shit right?
This, of course, may come as a surprise to some of you.
But the real question is what do I care most about…
Well crumbs, “BOYS” is the first and foremost subject I need to analyse here.
I just hate being on my own, and I detest not having a boyfriend.
Or even just a bloke to text.
Or a lad to think about.
Or anything really.
By Zeus I just want to be loved!!!!!!
God this sounds terribly depressing, but this is an actual disorder that seemingly everyone has.
We’re born with it and some suffer from it more than others aka myself being a prime example.
I mean ask anyone who knows me, it is quite remarkable.
I also really care about what people think of me, to an extent of course.
Or depending on the amount of cocktails I have ingurgitated (She says going on and on about herself).
In my state today though, I feel completely paranoid and want to get on quaaludes to forget what my face looks like.
Of course partying I take extremely seriously and I do not fuck about when it comes to getting down and dirty.
Family, Friends, Animals. (Blah Blah Blah)…
But where does this lead me to.
I have no ambition, no boyfriend and no money. But you know what, I get by.
And I do wish sometimes (rarely and not for very long), that I was some really successful model who doesn’t drink, works out and meditates, someone who gets married on the hills of Nepal with a Yogi Master whilst sage is being burnt, etc.
I mean doesn’t that sound incredibly enticing… Nope. It doesn’t.
So I will go back to my usual self of not giving any shits. And be happy ultimately.
Oh and by the way. I am off to NYC on Sunday and it will be AWESOME.
I love me life.