To say there was tension in my relationship would be an understatement. Every time I took a sip of alcohol, the night ended in some belligerent rant full of all the things I had bottled up deep inside. I couldn’t find the way to express myself and where I was at honestly or soberly. One night I turned into such an animal, I fled the scene (or was police escorted to flee the scene ;)) and pounded on the door of my girlfriend’s house at 2 am. After sleeping off and disgorging of my 10 too many whiskeys, my intuition reappeared, and it screamed, get out, NOW, before you hurt yourself and this person more.

Breaking up is hard to do. Besides feeling injured and disillusioned by your partner, sometimes the more devastating part is scanning through all the moments of your relationship where you could have done a better job; been more understanding, more honest, and just, given more. Defeated, sometimes all your left with is some wild woman instinct screaming inside you to make a fucking move. If you’re going to lose your shit, lose it at your own expense. You may be paralyzed in practicalities such as boxes and movers, borrowing some elusive friends truck and compartmentalizing your things while bumping your shoulder against something that has become “ours.” But trust me, though it can be painful, it can be done.

I downloaded the MakeSpace app, which, for a person in a life-altering jam, is the most excellent storage solution known to man. The beauty of MakeSpace is they provide you with heavy-duty boxes, built out wardrobe boxes, and do all the heavy lifting. I needed to act quickly, so I got them to deliver the approximate amount of boxes I would need to get my things OUT. I organized all my belongings, a testament to God working through me, and the very next day the boxes were delivered. I gave myself two days (a Saturday and Sunday that my boyfriend was out of town) to organize the boxes, and on the coming Monday, the muscular men in green T- Shirts took pictures of everything inside them and uploaded them to my MAKESPACE app. They wrapped the few chairs I had and lugged everything out of there in approximately 45 minutes. Done. Sorta.

Okay, so what was I going to do about the car that was mine, but was ours, but let’s face it is his because he paid the lease and insurance. I needed this “vehicle as storage” for all my couch surfing days ahead. After several days of being a nomad, I spoke with a friend and soon realized we were both in a period of non-comital transition and needed to unite. We turned to AIRBNB and found a place we could split online. We negotiated fees, and soon enough I was as far away (in LA COUNTY terms) from where I used to live, the great migration from East to Venice because I was too frail to be dealing with unexpected run-ins with him who we do not speak of. I parked the car back in his garage and gratefully relied on Uber and Lyft for a couple of weeks. Then pilot season picked up, and it became necessary to take more of a hands-on
approach to my travels due to my disgusting propensity towards motion sickness. I signed up with FAIR, a car service that lets you pay a flat down payment rate, search through cars in your budget, and take over someone’s lease with no obligations. If you decide you only need the car a month, you can give it right back. Perfect for the non-commital transitioner like me, because at this point, who know’s? Maybe I’ll take up woodworking in Kyushu.

Through the MIND BODY app I could find new places to work out, salvaging the sanity I had left, and on the days I was too depressed to make myself dinner, I turned to UBER EATS and signed up for $10/month free delivery on PostMates. Since the alcohol was definitely an issue, I dowloaded an app called Meeting Guide and typed in the location of wherever I was to find some version of solution. And of course, I became one with my Amazon Prime App for all the self-help/ self-indulgent/this is so weird I feel better about myself books (see: Miranda July’s “The First Bad Man”) for speedy and cost-effective delivery.

It’s a relief to say that things are settling now, and I am trying every day to work on my relationship with myself and him who we now speak of again (sorta), in a healthier way. But if you’re going through the obligatory “losing your shit” phase of your life, please trust that there are some apps to help you handle your shit (while still losing your shit).